When is New Years Eve?

I am trying to even decide what day it is.  Since Thanksgiving the days have all run together and I am never certain of time or date.  Today is Saturday....I know that because my girlfriends play tennis on Saturday and I didn't go today .  I wanted to go but was torn.   I am living the day to day guilt of trying to have a life and stay with my mother in the hospital.  She is dying. Right before my eyes,  I am watching her struggle to breathe and become incoherent at times and hallucinate from pain meds.  I am watching nurses who won't meet my eyes, doctors who are way too blunt and other patients visitors sympathetic glances as they pass the room.  I have seen all the looks and heard the conversations at the nurses station but I simply can not accept that this could be my last few weeks, days, or hours with my mother.  I find myself getting up on the bed and into her face trying to tell her to FIGHT! The tears come and she whispers that she is trying but I just don't know if she has enough strength to go on.  I want her to.  I need her to.  I can't imagine any moment in my day to day life where I haven't thought that I couldn't wait to call her and tell her about it.  We are extraordinarily close.  Our age difference spans over 4o years but somehow we have gained a mutual understanding that girls wear bra's at age 10, it's ok to call a boy back if he is your lab partner, pads don't have to be attached to belts anymore, lipstick is not for harlots and it's ok to marry then divorce if you are unhappy.  I know I have let her down on a few occasions and that she has forgiven me.  I know that my second marriage made her very happy and she loves my husband as her own child.  I know that the birth of my son has kept her fighting to stay alive for the last 4 years.  I know that the fact that she bathed him for the first time,  an hour after his birth, in this very hospital, is a memory that I will keep forever.  I know that I love her as much as anything or anyone can love another.  I love my mother.